...13 days and counting...
During communion at church today my friend sang that Kari Jobe song
“The More I Seek You” and I broke down into a thousand pieces.
Worship has always moved me...
It all culminated into this extended moment in time.
I cried the whole 30 minute drive to Silverthorne.
I was driving to Target to return my baby books.
After I parked I just sat in my car. I couldn’t do it.
I physically couldn’t walk them inside the store.
I can’t stand to look at them...
But I couldn’t bear the thought of cashing them in.
This outporting of emotions led to a string of words...
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we never got to see your face
you never received a name
as detached as this sounds
we’ll never be the same
slipping in and out of consciousness
my body has betrayed me
a gift was given and then was taken
a baby 6 weeks and 2 days
moving on doesn’t seem quite right
living however i’ve managed to lose sight
i still laugh, try to cope and cry
often these actions feel forced like lies
i’ve been promised peace
granted by faith in my father
your will is the path for my life
even if i’m meant to be the example
fighting these emotions i no longer even bother
figuring this out and trying to get a handle
i refuse to beat myself up
begging to know what went wrong
i can’t question why
i know that you love me
that i refuse to deny
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