when you let them go

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, I have some pretty incredible friends. No amount of time or distance will shake the love and support we have for one another. Sure I got lucky but I also earned these relationships through understanding, vulnerability, accountability and sincerity. Now for a topic not really address, the frenemy. Basically it’s an enemy disguised as a friend.

I don’t think I could go as far to say we’ve all experienced them but for myself I’ve had two. I’m almost embarrassed to say it in a way, I mean I’m only in my late twenties and I’ve already managed to be duped twice. Does it say something about me personally? Here I was thinking I’ve got discernment in surrounding myself with genuine people, uh, maybe not so much.

The first one was brought on my pure naivety, and a bit of insecurity. I had what was meant to be a mentor/friendship to instruct me on how to be the person I want to be. Unfortunately, it derailed quit early and turned out to be more of a dictatorship on who she wanted me to be. I started to grow as an individual and find my own course in happiness but as it turns out in this relationship it wasn’t allowed. It should have been more obvious because I’d seen the resentment in her from other friends living their lives independently just like I was attempting too. I blame myself for letting it go on as long as it did. In the end I realized I had to walk away and there was no looking back. It hurt. I worried what it would mean. What would people think? What would they say? In the end, I lost a few other relationships because of it but the truth is why would I want someone so unsupportive to be a part of anything that has meaning in my life?

Ah, the second one. The operative word is desperation. I had just moved out of state and was actively searching for a connection. I’m sure she could smell me from a mile away. It was a new role for me, being co-dependent. I’d found a friend that was so simpatico with all the things I appreciate, clothes, films, music, food etc… Looking back it’s too bad this didn’t work because she “got it”. However what she didn’t get was what it meant to be a good friend. I was giving and she was getting. There was never reciprocity, her problems were discussed and advised but then there wasn’t any time left for me. She’d bailed, borrowed, lied and now I have nothing left to show for that time other than some missing CD’s.

The thing is that I know what I want, I know what I need. The friends I have I plan to keep. The more I invest and cultivate those relations the more fruit they will bear. I need them and I’d like to think they need me. If I meet people along the way then that will be a bonus, but I’m not worried because the people I already have are the ones others only wished they could have.