Tuesday, May 10, 2011

forfeit: something surrendered

Choices are a funny thing. We absolutely demand and even long for them however it’s not too often we enjoy facing them. It’s what’s life’s all about, this free-will thing. Options are everywhere, yes or no; black or white; now or later etc… Quite often it’s more than just two definitive selections but I’m just trying to create a concept.

As of late I have been inundated with choices. Now I love that I can control a situation with my preference(s) but at the moment it’s becoming overwhelming. I find myself wishing it was a simple as chocolate or vanilla and relinquishing my personal independence and choosing strawberry. I have always been rather decisive maybe in part because I decide so quickly to maintain a sense of certainty. Is that something you can grow out of? Did I misplace confidence?

I adore spreadsheets and find a way to incorporate all aspects of my life in them. (I know I need another hobby.) There is something so reassuring about seeing things in print. Columns of pros and cons precisely weigh each thought. Well at least they used to. I can no longer trust my own judgment. I truly believe fear is one of the most powerful weapons but maybe my doubt isn’t generated from that but happiness.

It’s an odd notion but the fact is that there’s no guarantee that my/your happiness will bring the same joy to others. So the choices are to sacrifice happiness or pursue it. I’ve never been fond of selfish people making self-seeking decisions but maybe this is that one time I should consider me.

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