It feels like forever since my last blog. In real time it’s been a little more than a week while emotionally it’s could have translated into months. I’ve been avoiding it really. My mood hasn’t been the best for sharing. It seems that not saying anything has kept me in good terms and I’d prefer to keep it that way. Besides I don’t want to be that person. Just a lot of blah, meh, ugh, hmph days.
It’s pretty insane how way weather can affect the psyche…which I assume it partly to blame for my frame of mind. It’s been snowing A LOT here and yes I live in Colorado but it’s nearing the end of May and we enjoy summers here too. I mean it’s not Antarctica! I’m not sure which is gloomier, my mood or the weather…it’s almost like I live in Forks, minus the heartthrob vampires.
Aside from the weather defying the fact that it’s Spring/Summer, I’m having my own trouble adapting. The winter season though arduous and long has become an unhealthy safety net and not just metaphorically. It’s an acceptable excuse for everything i.e. I can’t correspond because I’m so busy with work and I’ll reconnect after ski season. I don’t have to work out or even go outside because it’s below freezing. I’m not required to develop friendships let alone maintain them because we’re all busy until the end of April. Well here we are the end of May and I’ve still managed to avoid everything, friends, family, goals, improvements, projects etc…
It’s kind of discouraging to think about it as a whole. I can feel myself shutting down and closing off. It happens when I get overwhelmed or fall so far behind that I lose the will to catch up. It’s kind of become my M.O. which I joke about but in reality it’s not funny at all.
I’ve been reading this book by Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God…and I know I’m a few years late but I think that maybe “now” it’s the right time for me. Let me preface this by saying this may not be what others take from the book just my perspective. Anyway there is this basic concept of downsizing my feeling from being in a perpetual state of overwhelmed vs. underwhelmed. Again it’s nothing radical but I’m attempting to ask myself what is my purpose today? Not for my life. Not in the next five years or even next week. Just today. Believe me it’s a struggle, to push aside my other thoughts and worries but I’m feeling relief and even a since of accomplishment instead of dwelling on everything that still needs tending to.
My to-do list looks nothing like its former self. Instead of twenty things I’d love to get done and rejoice in the challenge of defeating it, it’s been reduced to maybe five things though I know I can achieve more I don’t want to experience my life through a book of list even though I love that feeling it’s becoming a hindrance. Yes, only I can turn something good into something ugly. No, I’m kidding and I know I wasn’t going to share and boo-who all over my blog but sometimes it’s these itty-bitty revelations that might really help someone else.
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