One for me, one for you. Two for me, two for you. All day, every day. As much as I dislike this trait I am a Scorekeeper. Effortlessly tallying up tip for tap, blow for blow. I personally find myself obnoxious in painstaking acknowledgment of these events. I can feel the hash marks burning onto the chalkboard housed in my memory. Whether it is in relation to good deeds or bad, money, favors, objects, I find myself in a constant state of mathematics, adding and subtracting.
I am aware how irrational and destructive this type of behavior is but still I calculate. I’m not assuming it’s all based on control issues and maybe I’m just more competitive than I thought. The passive part of me knows that it’s simple an act of respect, if something belongs to someone or is owed to them I waste no time it balancing the scales…hey I am of course a Libra.
Growing up with a single mom it was imperative to keep score. A very busy, working mom and three outrageous children left especially little additional time to meet physical and emotional needs. Calling dibs and shouting redundant reminders was the only way to ensure that people would “remember” whose turn it was to enjoy whatever the desire in question was. See, who needs a therapist to announce my psychosomatic inclinations.
This dirty laundry is embarrassing and until it’s under control it could sabotage any relationship I posses or hope to, whether it be personal, professional or a random encounter. I’m praying that this oppression is healed because as much as I try to fix me I know that my flesh can only do so much. For any of you that find yourself in a similar situation I’ve found loads of instructive and encouraging scriptures.
I Thess 5:13 James 1:20 I Corn 13:5 I Peter 4:8
Col 3:15 Phil 2:3-4 Psalms 37:7-8
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