Reason is also choice.

Drifting around in the perpetual state of not knowing exactly what I want but reminded that I am in want of something. For regarding myself as such a professional, organized individual its weird how certain things in life manage to allude me. Would life be easier if I just knew? Would it be better? Let’s start small; simple if you will, topic of choice shall be food because my life revolves around what I eat and what I don’t eat for that matter. I can be very exact at times, I will know exactly what I want, where I want it from and when; along with a smattering of painfully precise demands while other times have a vague inclination of hunger without any direction other than absolute disgust of certain considerations. I’m finding life to be that sporadic. It’s unnerving that it can be so extreme. Sure the spicy ethnic it new and adventurous but beyond that moment or experience everything else might fail in comparison and be bland and frankly unappetizing.

I have never considered myself a fickle person but there are times when I just don’t know…back to food. I have set out two meat options, the age old question beef or chicken? I for the life of me cannot decipher a better meal between the two because neither seems all that appealing at the moment. The only way to solve such a mystery is turn the judgment to my husband, who in truth really has never had a preference about anything. He chooses chicken and in that exact moment I know deep in my heart that is exactly what I don’t want! This will probably remain and unsolved mystery. Based on the immediate look of distain on my face my husband knows I’ve vetoed his choice. This happens a lot. According to my father in law, my mother in law does the same thing quite often. Maybe it’s the result of marrying the men we did or maybe it’s designed deep within my second X chromosome that’s got me wonky.

Either way how is it I know nothing and then the slightest push or pull one way or the other is enough to define what I’d been mulling over for far too long? Should I start approaching people with Door 1 or Door 2; option A or B? I’m not planning on making decisions based on what they want but maybe it’s that spark that will disclose what I want. It’s all in the details…from each of my indistinguishable preferences come all the other curious thoughts, and I just don’t know, at least not yet.