What in the world, seriously? I don’t know when and I don’t know how… never mind that’s a complete lie because I do know when and I do know how. Sometimes I feel so “grown-up” and changed, proud of the person I’ve been cultivated to become and then I have these major setbacks that threaten to destroy all my progress. Knowing full well right from wrong and recklessly choosing the latter is a disgustingly, selfish act. I thought I was past this?
My fate and His plans kept me from stumbling too far off course but I knew better, I KNOW BETTER. I am my toughest critic, my harshest competitor so these moments of relapse terrify me. My fear is due to the fact that sometimes my failures leads to utter abandonment…The crudest example I can think of is when you’re on a diet and you are overcome by desire and eat the chocolate cake. The one piece turns into practically the entire cake…then who cares. You’re off the wagon so you give up all together. I don’t want this to happen. I can no longer let discouragement condemn my future.
I can hardly bear this feeling and it’ll be awhile before it’s all washed away. Precious moments have been stolen from me and I am the only culprit…I take responsibility. I’m utterly heartbroken to go back and start over again but at the same time humbly perplexed that I have the gift of doing so.
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