(just me)

Do you ever think, “Gawd, I’m a freak”? Seriously this isn’t about self loathing or anything but I have these moments daily and am continually comforted that I’ve managed to hide a fair share of my unusual tendencies this long. I’m serious; if people only knew half the things I say and do… I’m not sure if they’d be more amused or concerned.

Don’t expect me to share too many instances because this really is me appreciating the fact that I’ve flown under the radar and hope to continue to. For me it’s the outburst of song as if I were living in a musical or competing in American Idol. (Wha? I don’t even watch that show.) Yes. It happens…in the car, at home, at work, at the gym, well that is when I went to the gym. We’re talking loud, shameless, unnerving. It’s not entirely my fault. Somehow I’ve been given this internal soundtrack that flashes between Britney and Edith Piaf, in case you were wondering; uh-huh this does consist of other languages. Don’t feel too bad for me because I secretly kinda love it. It’s like I’m in my own little movie or better yet Truman Show with a tune that best suites my situation and/or emotion. Am I the only one?

Hopefully this isn’t too certifiable but sometimes I forget what I look like. Okay, that sounds stupid but I’m not sure how to reword it. Anywho, this is probably due to the fact I’m lost in some fantasy world I’ve been performing show tunes in, but sometimes I look at myself and think, “Oh, that’s me”. Almost posed as question. I find the projection of myself at times isn’t equivalents with my general appearance. Hmmm…I might be losing you. For instance, you get this great pair of heeled boots and next thing you know you’ve developed this superhero catwalk approach through the local grocery store. (I live for those sassy moments.) Then you get home catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and are reminded nope, no resemblance to Gisele still just me.

The conversations I have with myself or dogs. The late night make up experiments that must be showered off before work the next day. That fantasies of being someone a bit more interesting…

I’m comforted to know we all have freak- flags whether we let them fly or not. All these neurotic propensities and Rachel-isms are what make me this person that I often conceal but sometimes revel in.